The Hidden Lesson

"There is a thin line between knowing when to give up and when to try harder"

There's a lesson to be learned in everything...apparently. You just need to sit still long enough to hear it. When you have your sights set on a goal it can be difficult to pay attention. It's then that you may find yourself slowed down through no doing of your own.

Last week I signed up for the Half Marathon in Central Park on April 3rd with the intention of running 6 of the 13.1 miles, even if not consecutively. On Sunday I ran 3.25 and had my sights set on 3.35 for this week. On Tuesday I started getting sick. By Thursday I had bronchitis and today, Saturday I can't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded.

I am angry. I'm feeling defeated once again, betrayed by a body that doesn't want to cooperate. On Friday I convinced myself that I'd be able to run by tomorrow. Right now I'll be lucky if I can make it to the grocery store and back.

The anger comes from feeling like I did as a kid. I struggled to breathe every single day. I couldn't overexert myself, I couldn't walk far, let alone run. As I sat here stewing about this I had a realization. What could I learn from this minor setback?

What I learned was gratitude. Looking back to when I was unable to do so many things and never encouraged to try, I realize that now I have the power to do something different. I CAN try. And by trying and trying again, I HAVE succeeded. I ran a 5K a few months ago! That was an impossibility until I decided to try. I took it slowly and yes, I'm still very slow but I can run.

I have new appreciation for my slowness, my not quite 12 minute mile that I compare to others and start getting down on myself for. I may be slow, but I'm moving. And I keep moving closer to that goal no matter how many steps backward I take or how many obstacles crop up in my path.

I did it...Part 2

I had a goal to not only run a 5K but to see what would happen if I stopped focusing on dieting and just learned how to eat normally and exercise consistently. I'm happy to report that I also had success in this area. To date I have lost 23 pounds.

I said in an earlier post that I was going to focus on looking forward and never look back. My attempts at eating better have had highs and lows. I've overeaten, underexercised and done everything in between. I never gave up the things I love like chocolate, ice cream or pizza. I just started eating a little less at each meal and got myself to the gym on a regular basis.

The scale has been stuck many times. It is right now. But no matter if I regain a pound or two or lose nothing for 3 weeks, I always look forward. I'm 23 pounds closer to my goal and 23 pounds lighter than I used to be. I have my eye on the prize and know that next year at this time I will will have accomplished this goal as well.

Taking a moment to be thankful

How appropriate that yesterday was Thanksgiving. I need to reflect on the past year since I started this journey and recognize all I've accomplished.

I'm thankful that I'm sleeping better at night and night and waking up feeling more rested

I'm thankful that my energy level has increased and I no longer come home from work and fall asleep but go to the gym instead

I'm thankful that I can work out at all. There was a time when that wasn't possible.

I'm thankful that I can run, no matter how slow or how short the distance. I can run.

I'm thankful that I persevere

P a t i e n c e

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. huh...

To say my patience is being tested is an understatement. After successfully completing my first 5K my natural inclination was to sign up for a 10K. Unfortunately not being able to run, or walk at times, for the past seven weeks has put that on hold for the moment. Patience in this case will entail going back into running slowly...very slowly. Slower than I ever could imagine. I thought slow would be starting out at one mile and getting back to 3 in a week or so. It looks more like I'll be working on it by the MINUTE as in, walk 9 minutes, run 1, walk another 9, walk 1. Then in two days I can increase to 2 minutes and so on.

I did attempt to run a mile a few weeks ago and I was able to. The problem was the next day I couldn't walk again so I realized that I need to listen to my body and stop what I'm doing because it just isn't working.

I did it!

Yes, there is good news in all this. On October 3rd, one day before my 42nd birthday, I ran my first 5K...and I did better than I ever imagined I would. My original goal was to do it in the spring but my injuries sidelined me for months. I never gave up and whenever I could, I kept running and building endurance.

I hadn't checked out the course beforehand, just signed up for the race. I was GOING to do this if it killed me. And it nearly did. The course was very hilly. Something I hadn't anticipated or prepared for. The weather was perfect and I was feeling great. I started slowly as others blew past me looking like they were running from a stampede of wild boar. I kept my pace and sped up on the downhills. I felt incredible. My breathing was good and my legs felt light. On the uphills I talked myself through. Then about a half mile from the end I noticed that the course went off road. Now I was running on sand and rock and it looked like I was about to go up the side of a hill. It was a pretty steep hill with loose rocks and branches and tree roots. I soldiered on. I got to the top and couldn't catch my breath and it was the first time I stopped. I had intended to run the entire race with no stopping so I talked my legs into running again after a 10 second reprieve.

Coming around a final corner I saw my boyfriend. He started jogging with me, pushing me to make it to the finish. And I did. With a time of 34:40:08 I finished and I was ecstatic.

That is until we got home. I opened the car door and went to get out. I couldn't set my foot down. It was like my muscles had locked up. The pain was excrutiating and I had to crawl to the front door. I lay on the floor writhing in pain. And the pain lasted a long time.

It is now 7 weeks later and I'm just finally able to start running again. I developed tendonitis and it took a long time to heal. This has been a huge lesson for me in patience. Something I don't have.

My how time flies

I began this blog a little over a year ago. I haven't posted anything in 9 months. The going got tough, really tough. I have been plagued with shin problems the entire time. I've seen a podiatrist, sports medicine doctor, gotten orthotics, compression sleeves, had my run evaluated by a foot specialist and done accupuncture for the past six months. The journey I set out on last year took a couple of detours but I'm committed to the process.

A mole hill or a mountain ?

I haven't blogged in quite awhile. Didn't have much to say and didn't want to admit that I've temporarily thrown in the towel. In the past few weeks I've seen two doctors about my shin pain. The latest advice was not even to walk on a treadmill for another two weeks. I've already skipped two weeks at the gym (and taken up eating in it's place) so I will be set back at least a month now.

Today I plan to re-motivate myself and go to the gym to at least ride a bike. I bought some compression sleeves for my legs to wear when I can begin running again and I also got some compression ice packs. At this point there's nothing left to try. Apparently shin splints can only heal by not overusing your legs and will most likely return as soon as the exercise that caused them is started again.

I'm still keeping the 5K in my sights. I haven't given up yet and somehow I will find a way to do this. I called this post "mole hill or mountain?" because while an injury seems like a blip in the process, I also have to worry about my breathing capabilities. On the last day I ran a few weeks ago I was able to do one mile without stopping. My lungs had worked their way up to it and I had built enough endurance. With one month of no cardio I'm looking at another major setback. Unless I keep with it, my breathing capacity tends to diminish when I don't exert myself.

So even though the mountain looms in front of me and stands between my current state and a 5K in May, I'm ready to face it and do whatever it takes, even if that is starting over.